The Value of Saying No to Serve Well
Kirsten Schouwenaars-Harms writes today on how saying no at times can be more fruitful for ourselves and others in our parishes.
And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority
in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations”
(Matt 28:18-19)
The above words from the Gospel of Matthew, known as the great commission, are a call to action. It is the moment in Jesus’ life on earth where he clarifies that we are invited to join and continue His ministry. In baptism, this invitation is extended to the Body of Christ, because as we know there is much to be done. For God’s work on earth to be done well, all of us are needed “Each one is called personally: You follow me” (CCC 878). However, how much is asked of us, and should we take every opportunity to volunteer our services? I think that is an important question to try to answer.
Ministry and making disciples of all nations are in essence very closely connected. And while the great commission may sound like a call to stand on street corners shouting about God’s love in an attempt to entice people to come to God, ministry takes many forms. Reading at mass, scrubbing the church on cleaning days, helping people grow in faith through organising retreats or running the children’s liturgy. All of these actions, and many more, are ministry as long as they are done to glorify God.
The vocation of the laity was emphasised during the Second Vatican Council. In the Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, Apostolicam Acutuositatum we read that:
In the Church, there is a diversity of ministry but a oneness of mission. Christ conferred on the Apostles and their successors the duty of teaching, sanctifying, and ruling in His name and power. But the laity likewise share in the priestly, prophetic, and royal office of Christ and therefore have their own share in the mission of the whole people of God in the Church and in the world (AA 2).
As the above statement points out everybody is called to serve, we are all needed in different ways. But, just because a person is asked to perform a ministry does that mean they should automatically say yes? I don’t think it should, there is value in saying no for the right reasons. I think we are serving God and the whole Body of Christ if we dare to say no at times.
In a country such as Scotland that is experiencing more and more disaffiliation, fewer vocations to the priesthood and religious life, and many of the rural communities having to travel far and wide to attend mass or a Catholic community, laity serving in ministry is becoming even more of a necessity. Furthermore, parish communities in many areas are ageing meaning that the task of serving in some form of ministry falls on fewer people, even though the tasks remain the same.
In every community and every parish, there are those people who are always the first to offer to help and to say yes when asked to volunteer their services. And of course our yes plays a big part in fulfilling any ministry. A perfect example of this is the Virgin Mary, for it was her "yes" that brought Jesus, into the world. “Then Mary said, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” (Lk 1:38). As such she is often seen as the perfect model of complete obedience because she was fully obedient to God.
But while Mary is the perfect model of saying yes, because her fiat set the stage for our salvation, it is also important to realise that Mary was asked by God through the archangel Gabriel to become the mother of God. He was the one who asked her to serve, and Mary knew, in her humility, that this was her vocation in life. From this, we can learn that it takes discernment to know how God is asking us to serve Him and continue His ministry on earth. Merely saying yes because others ask for our help is not the same as serving Him. Discerning if the task that is asked of us is one that God wants us to fulfil is important. Is it something that is done in prayer, in spending time reading His word, or in spiritual direction, to better understand what His intentions for each of us are.
For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope (Jer 29:11).
Saying no is a way to be faithful to the Lord, because if we can truly do our best to discern His will for us, we can fulfil the ministry that is meant for us. Putting our God-given talents to the best use, by saying yes to where He intends us to be is particularly important in a country as Scotland where year upon year there are fewer active members of the Catholic faith, all of us in the Body of Christ are every more needed in our own way.
There is a time and a place for a yes. However, are we saying yes to please others or because we feel obliged to do so? When someone asks for help is the answer yes because of a desire to be helpful and respected. This can be problematic, and do more harm than good. It leads to others expecting the yes, which in turn can cause weakened physical health, such as burn-out as well as spiritual brokenness. If the yes we gave overstretched us to such an extent that we rush through welcoming people as mass, letting people down by cancelling the bible study because we are too busy, and visiting the sick and elderly but being too tired to engage with them, the question remains what is the point? we can lose sight of what we are doing, and Who we are serving.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
I have a goodly heritage (Ps 16:5-6).
Furthermore, by saying yes to a ministry for the wrong reasons we are removing the opportunity for another person to serve the Lord. The saying “If you want a job doing, ask a busy person” is often true. It is also the reason why the same person, with an already overflowing cup, is asked over and over again to help. After all, it is well known how willing they are. But what about a person who is also willing to help, but in their shyness or uncertainty is overlooked, and therefore misses out on what God had intended for them. Of course, asking a new person to perform a ministry the question will be if the task at hand will be done well. But at the same time, we should all be given the chance. God wants all of his creation to shine, not a selected few. And while things might not be done in the way that others have gotten used to, it will still bear fruits. Breaking a few eggs to make an omelette, Pope Francis notes:
Faith in God's Son, who became man and who died for me, must make a mess, must disturb us out of our complacency … as for young people – it is the same. They do not have the experience and the dignity of work … Young people must be able to go out and fight for their values (Pope Francis, 2013, World Youth Day)
As we read in Scripture: “Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’” (Matt 5:37). Therefore, every time we are asked to perform a task, fulfil a ministry or volunteer our time, we should start by praying about it. What is being asked, is it a task that God is willing me to perform or may it indeed cause me to be spread too thin or even keep another from executing a task the Lord want them to take upon themselves? In prayer we seek wisdom, we listen to God’s voice, weighing each request against God’s will. For God is always working (cf John 5:17) and we need to discern where it is that God wants us to join him in His work. This is when every yes becomes a true yes, and every no becomes a faithful no.
By Kirsten Schouwenaars-Harms
Kirsten Schouwenaars-Harms is a Catholic theologian, published author and freelance writer. She holds a masters degree in Christian Spirituality from St Mary’s University Twickenham, London. She is currently working towards a Doctorate in Ministry at said university, concentrating her research on the domestic church in the Roman Catholic Diocese of Aberdeen, where she lives.
We are in the middle of the ‘dog days of summer’ (yes that’s a thing!) with July slipping away and a hazy August to come, or rainy, who knows. There are many local Scottish Saints for us to read into and devote sometime in prayer with. Go over to our ministry site: www.maryswell.net/augustsaints to learn more about some of them. They include St Walthen of Melrose, St Berchan of Renfrewshire and Argyll, St Blaan of Bute and the great St Aidan of Lindisfarne.